I have been really worked up about this... having a 4 year old that is still wearing pull-ups... a reminder of my parenting failure about a dozen times a day.
Well, in recently talking to a Social Worker and other adoptive moms (of children adopted as toddlers) I have learned that Lilli and I are not alone. I asked for advice and received tons of great ideas... thanks for that!
Bottom line, I am going to stop worrying about it. Lilli is brilliant... she knows what she is doing. Most importantly, there are no medical concerns. It is not that she can't, it is that she won't... does not want to. Neither positive nor negative reinforcement has worked... so i am just going to let it be.
I had a talk with Lilli yesterday. I told her this was hers to own. When she was ready she could let me know. I did offer some "carrots"! She is signed up for Ballet Camp this summer with an amazing teacher... she MUST be potty trained. I offered a day out with mommy - shopping for ballet things, getting our nails done, lunch, picking out beautiful panties... maybe a movie. Fun Fun Fun time for Mommy and Lilli!
Abby took in the whole conversation... and I am guessing she processed it quite well - just as I am sure Lilli did! At lunch, Abby and Lilli were chatting about this and that and all of the sudden, Abby asked, "Lilli, when do you think you will be ready to be potty-trained?" Lilli replied, "Soon. About a month before Daddy comes home. I am just not ready yet Abby." Then they went back to normal chatter. OK... I can do this... if Lilli holds to that time line, we have about 4 or 5 more months of pull-ups and then viola'! WOW... summer brings JOE and a house full of potty-trained kids! YES!!!!
Fast forward ... this morning we are driving to school. We pass the baseball fields where Abby will be playing T-ball in a few weeks... she is sooooooooooooooo excited. She was talking a mile a minute about all her baseball stuff and her team etc etc etc. Lilli chimed in about what is going to happen when she "peepees in the potty every time". This included a short discussion about ballet and princesses and all the fun things we have planned to do when she is "ready". She added a cute little high pitched "I am so sited! (meaning EXCITED) at the end of the discussion... or what I thought was the end! This is going to work is what I was thinking and I am so sited too!
Then .... here is where the commonality between Lilli and the former Governor of Illinois comes into play... just remember Blago's infamous quote (I am removing the expletives) "this is a valuable thing... I am not just going to give it away for nothing"! Well... smart smart smart Lilli was thinking the exact same thing.... her next statement was "And mommy, when I peepee every time, I would like a white horse named Milkshake too!" WHAT???? Serious... to me... this IS more important than being able to appoint a Senator... I wouldn't just give it away either.... GOOD TRY Lilli! Sorry... but NO! I don't think our neighborhood charter allows a white horse named Milkshake in the backyard! But good try... setting high goals... I LOVE that!!!